Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
