i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
