i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
