Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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