They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
