i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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