Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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