i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
