I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
