i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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