I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
