I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
