oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
