You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
