she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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