Kiss
Puke
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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