tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
