paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize