Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
