If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
