wanna go halves on a baby?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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