batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
