Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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