someone get that fucking seahorse.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
