ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
