i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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