Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
