i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
