why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
