Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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