when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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