We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
