I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
