When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
