The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
