YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I still have a little drunk in my system
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
