I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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