i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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