Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
