I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We smell like vodka and hangover
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize