Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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