If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
