there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
