@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
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Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize