never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
