You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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