this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
