I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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