Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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