why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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