You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
