Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
