so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
