You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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