Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
