She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
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Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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