Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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