I wanna bring you to show and tell
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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