The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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