forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize