doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
