i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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