I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i need an iv and a liver transplant
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
