I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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