Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
